


GW: Post rapid-fire oneshots part II

by gratuitousWordsmith



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Homestuck AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-23
Updated: 2013-02-22
Packaged: 2017-12-03 07:14:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/695632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gratuitousWordsmith/pseuds/gratuitousWordsmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here be more oneshots off of tumblr. These ones are much better than the last batch, I assure you!<br/>Check the chapter titles for AU/pairing</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stagecraftstuck, Jadekan

“Jade, I would prefer it if you could sit still for this. I don’t want this needle to go somewhere it probably aught not be.” You bite your lip at her words and close your eyes really tight. Kanaya said it, and so you need to listen. She’s one of the few technical theatre kids you can actually take seriously. Something about her makes everything she says important. You actually kind of look up to her. You take a deep breath and hold your arms out to the sides. 

She passes the length of the measuring tape across your arms, then down your legs then across your waist and chest.  
“Aren’t you going to write anything down?” You ask out of genuine curiosity. She must have taken fifteen different measurements and didn’t even touch the pen on her clipboard.  
“I don’t need to,” she replied simply, and asked for your shoe size. She asked for most of your actual clothing sizes next. Only once you had answered every question she had did she start to write things down.   
“So you just, memorize it all? That’s pretty cool.”  She ‘mmhm’s you and keeps writing. “So how’d I do?”  
“You’re remarkably average for your age… not bad at all.” She passes you a wink over her clipboard and heads for the door of the costume closet.

 


	2. Walmartstuck, Equius/Aradia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> walmartstuck where equius is working when he sees aradia the hot mom in the baby food aisle near his aisle and is like “DAMN” -thefriendliesthorrorterror

[original walmartstuck](http://calliotp.tumblr.com/post/21877734533)

 

It’s awfully degrading, you think. A young man of your linage and social standing should not have to resort to stuffing cans onto the wrong shelf in a half-lit superstore ran by roaches and roses.

They won’t even trust you with the hand-held price scanner yet. Co-worker Sollux says they only have two for the entire store, and one of them stays in Co-worker Rose’s office. Co-worker Dave carries the other one. 

You idily turn all of the jars of baby split-pea soup to face forwards when something catches your eyes.

Goodness this woman is breathtaking. The kind of woman that Co-workers Sollux and Dave would call a ‘milf’. You aren’t exactly sure what that means, but you are certain it describes this woman. Short, but curvy, with long red hair. She’s dressed in simple clothes but she still looks like a goddess to you. She picks a can of formula and a box of baby cereal from the shelf and adds them to her cart. You fidget with the ends of your hair.

Stop staring, you tell yourself, but you can’t look away. Something about her compels you. Was it the fact that she carried herself with a pride that none of the other mothers who shop her have? Was it the fact that she wore no ring? Was it the fact that every star seemed to line up in her favour that makes your heart melt and- oh she’s walking away.

You slump against the shelf, knocking a few tubes of crispy rice cereal to the floor.


	3. Stagecraftstuck, JohnJade [friendship]

[original stagecraftstuck crap](http://calliotp.tumblr.com/tagged/stagecraftstuck)

 

 

“Joooohn!!! Put that down!!”   
“I’m sorry I can’t hear you Jade over the sound of my richeous moustache!” He giggles and twirls the end of the faux facial hairpiece in one hand and struts in front of one of the mirrors. He looks really, really silly, you admit, but it isn’t really his to be playing with.  
“John you’re going to get in trouble!”  
“No I’m not— who would tell Slick on me? Psh, obviously not you, Jade, right?” You glance at the doorway back into the greenroom. Well, if no one was looking… You pick up one of the other moustaches and peel the backing off. “Wait! Jade before you put that one on, are you sure you don’t want a beard?” He holds up a long fluffy black beard in front of you and stretches the elastic band enticingly. “I bet it would look great on you!”  
“John!”  
“Come on, Jade! Do it for me?”  Oh goddamn it. He puts on that ‘oh my god it’s a puppy’ face and practically begs you to put on the beard. Your stoic disapproval cracks and you take the hairy costume piece from him.  


	4. Whostuck, RoseJane

[maidaradia au](http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/maidaradia)

  

“What do you think, Jane?”  
“They look a little too different to be locals, Rose.” Your boss’s disapproval is written all over her pretty face and you bite your tongue.  
“I take it you’re talking about the horns?”  
“Yeah, and that hideous grey skin.”  
“I thought they looked kind of cute.” You half-laugh, cutting it short when she shoots you another one of her trademarked ‘why is that even a comment you would make’ stares. “Oh look they’re holding hands! How sweet!” Anything to soften the blow of your mistakes from earlier today, when you failed to detain these two trespassers. You eye Jane’s hand, cursing yourself when you remember her own words that she’s your boss first and your lover second. Really, she’s a sweet gal, when she doesn’t have a fist full of alien wrist and a pair of handcuffs. Well, maybe you like the handcuffs.   
Your prisoners begin to stir, first the one with the two short pairs of horns, then the one with the curly ones.   
“You could have softened the landing a bit, AA.” 

“I’m sorry your highness but I was under the impression that you liked travelling time and space,” she counters without missing a beat.  
“Where are we even?”  
“Should we tell him, Jane?” You ask, reciting your usual little schtick quickly.  
“I don’t thing we aught to, Rose. What would happen if they knew?”  
“You have a point. Come on, lets go sterilize our alien investigation tools.”  
 _alien investigation tools?_  you mouth to her. She shrugs and gives you a look like ‘play along’.  
“Right,” you say and hold your arm out. She takes it and the two of you go back into your store room to find a way to break it to these aliens that they’re in prison for passing out in the middle of a super market without identification. 


	5. Walmartstuck, Meowrails

“Equius, when does your shift get over?” You paw at a rack of gum and chocolates. A cookies and cream bar drops onto the conveyor belt in front of you and you don’t pick it up. He lets out a deep breath through his nose and pulls another dollar from his wallet before putting it back in his pocket. He slides the cash drawer open and pays for your entire order of a new bag of cat treats, a box of tea and sugar, and now a candy bar.   
“Ten minutes ago,” he says. “Did you bike over here?” You nod, swishing your fluffy costume tail behind you idly. He offers to put your bike in the back of his truck and drive you home. You say you’d love that.   
  
You pay for his soda from the machine with the last of your pocket change. You can’t really pinpoint the day you and Equius became friends, even if he can. You just sort of- did. You don’t even attend the same high school. He goes to a nice private school in his neighborhood, and you the local public school. He’s bailed you out more than a few times for help in your family. Sometimes -every time, actually- you feel a little guilty, but he kisses your forehead and assures you it was nothing. 

You’re tough though, maybe even as tough as him. You helped him fix his car. You helped him get a job here at Walmart as well. You help him with a lot of things, even if they don’t always balance out. 

You sit in the passenger seat of his truck and let him play his jazz music cassettes.  You kind of like the music, sometimes. He rolls to a stop in front of your house. You see the lights are all off. Your mother must be asleep. 

“Thank you, Equius.”  
“It’s nothing, Nepeta.” You lean over and kiss him on the cheek before backing out the door and heading up the steps, your front door key in hand.


	6. Davekat, bloodplay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #kind of nsfw #there's blood #and karkat's playing with it

He tells you that’s not really a thing normal people do.

 

He say’s it’s kinky and you should do it more often.

You’ve shoved him to the floor and straddled his hips. In between tussling and kissing and arguing and insulting and more kissing you’ve torn his god tier threads to shreds and discarded them across the room. He ripped off your shirt in the process as well, the article of clothes also missing in action. Red cuts decorated both of your torsos; your mixed blood a warpaint of interspecies hateship soldiers.   
You hold his hands back and stop his struggling by pressing your noses together. He gives you a sloppy sweet kiss on your lips. You pull away from him and release his hands. You pull your hands down his chest, smearing the preexisting blood and pulling new beads to the surface. Idly, you doodle your sign over his left pectoral. Like an artist claiming his work. Staking his ownership. 


End file.
